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How I Would Have Written It – EP 01 – Suicide Squad

How I Would Have Written It

EP 01 – Suicide Squad

Better late than never. I had an entire other idea sketched out then decided I just hated it and wanted to start over from scratch.
I know I promised this like 1-2 or 20 so weeks ago (whose counting?) but this is something I had an idea to do and what better way then to pitch this as a podcast. So in a way this is like a pitch meeting just very public and anyone who wants it can download it.
The two recent DC Movies both have bombed with critics and audience alike but they still made nine figures apiece at the Box Office. Why? Well what else can we say other than the fact that Super hero movies are whats hot.
I know what DC is trying to do they’re trying to set up tent pole movies to set up more tent pole movies.
The problems with Suicide Squad were many, and there are other channels like Red Letter Media and What Culture who’ve gone into them as well so I won’t repeat them here. I’ll just tell you my two big problems with Suicide Squad were:
1. It wasn’t entertaining. The cardinal syn of any movie.
The movie needs to be fun and it needs to be entertaining. What if I told you I had an idea to not only could have made a better Suicide Squad but set up all the rest of the DC Movies?
2. There was no clear goal or motivation for anyone.
Regardless of whatever big tent pole movie comes out, the movie has to have a story. I know what you’re thinking, Dave haven’t you seen the latest Fast and the Furious movie? Well yes I have but I’m telling you that those movies do well for a reason. They’re not just mindless fun but they’ve created a cast of characters that pop culture has latched on to. So there’s no reason we can’t do that here.
3. How do we handle a comic book movie?
Do we stay true to the comics or do we make up our own worlds? Well I say why not do both?
One quick note. I was incredibly tired when I recorded this so my apologizes for mumbling and talking too fast (yes, more than usual), and if I sometimes skip over important details of my story pitch. 
So without further delay, this is the end of our prologue, and lets get right into it.
My Pitch
At the end of the day, the Suicide Squad are villains. They’re not going to change to fit into any rigid idea or story conventions. They’re villains because of their actions. How they can change is what finding this item will do for them and what it will mean to them.
Everyone Loves a Clown… 
We open in complete darkness. Florescence light bulbs turn on temporary blinding us, the audience.
Into the room comes two guard both in bomb proof suits (think Hurt Locker or if you play a lot of video games, the Juggernaut suit from Call of Duty). They take all of the packages placed on the floor.
Not a word is said they’ve done this a million times before. They turn on a machine. Large, grinding gears come to life as the machine well past it’s prime sparks to life.
The machine’s conveyor belts pulls as the men place the packages on there one by one.
The X ray screener reveals various items such as love letters, weapons trying to be smuggled in, and the occasional person.
A select group of packages are chosen to be shipped. They’re placed in a small bin and carried down to a waiting truck. Since everything has been checked, security and handling becomes normal again.
The truck travels through the streets of Gotham and finally arrives at, Arkum Asylum. As the mail truck gets to the gate,
A candle lit vigil is held outside. As the camera moves in closer, WE SEE that every mourner is dressed in various designs of Joker makeup.
This isn’t a vigil, it’s a tribute to their imprisoned God.
Inside of Arkum, Dr. Harley Quinzel sorts a large pile of mail all addressed to one person, ‘The Joker’.

Dr. Quinzel is looking for an answer. Why do these people worship him as a God?

It’d be easy to label a few as crazy or losers but it seems the fan mail grows and grows and this is just the stuff that gets in. Inside of Arkum, Joker sits in his cell. The cell isn’t too crazy and he’s not allowed to have anything foreign like newspaper clippings, etc or a special cell like in the other Suicide Squad movie but I digress.

A KNOCK on the door. Dr. Quinzel looks over. A guard enters and tells her that it’s time.
Under the careful watch of two security guards the Joker lays on the couch. Dr. Quinzel takes various notes as the Joker talks. Not of a grand scheme but of a longing… he’s seen an actual God come to this planet and he absolutely DESTROYED Batman and he wants that same power because after all, he asks to Harley and us the audience, who wouldn’t want to be a God?
Harley goes home that night. Her apartment is cramped and oddly enough, it looks a lot like her office. She has photos up of the Joker everywhere. Out of the darkness comes, Mercy Graves. Dr. Q is scared but Mercy tells her she means her no harm.She has an offer for her. Her boss is imprisoned but wants to see someone crazy enough to cause chaos without Superman now dead. It’s a gift. Help the Joker escape, and the Joker can access the weaponry of Luthor corp.
Dr. Q ponders over her dilemma. Help the Joker escape confess her love and escape to become a criminal or stay with the life she has but at least she’s not running from the law and him… (Batman)… Dr. Q thinks about what Joker said about finding the answer in her heart. She turns back to Mercy and accepts.
The 1st Suicide Squad
A dark room illuminated only by the large bank of monitors in front of her, Amanda Waller.
On the monitors, Waller watches as Suicide Squad beta has failed and all members are killed one by one by the terrorist organization (which sets the stage for the Suicide Squad sequel) they are battling. Everyone is now dead on both sides. While the mission is a success because the opposition is dead, it’s now back to the drawing board.
A Beautiful Dream
The next day at Arkum Asylum. Harley launches her plan.
She asks that the Joker be brought in again for a therapy session. Once the Joker is wheeled in, she tells him everything. He grins, and the two embrace in the weirdest kiss in cinema history.
Various criminals sit in their cells… nothing out of the ordinary until all of the doors open one by one. The guards look at each other then all hell breaks loose.
A complete riot overtakes Arkum and soon the entirety of Arkum Asylum is in flames.
Dr. Quinzel and Joker break out in the confusion and they speed off (secretly) in a stolen car.
From the Ashes of Arkum Asylum
A police investigation into what caused this fire. There are casualties of inmates and guards among the burnt out building.
Gordon in the shadows chats with Batman…
Gordon removes a sheet revealing the two bodies believed to be Joker and Dr. Quinzel. Batman examines the charred remains, the large skeleton (Joker) is stabbing the small skeleton (Dr. Quinzel) in the heart.  Batman knows that something isn’t right and he’s going to figure out whats going on here.
From Ace Chemical plant with Love
Joker speaks with Dr. Quinzel about their life together. Harley makes the decision to jump into the chemicals to change for the Joker.
Harley falls out of the vat. On all fours she’s puking up the chemicals in her lungs as she gasps for air. Joker slowly rides down the elevator down to meet her. “Have a nice trip?”, The Joker quips.
She looks up at him, as she’s now Harley Quinn.
Harley’s Apartment
Joker and Harley enter. Joker is annoyed they had to make a stop here before going to Thunder Corp.

Joker goes into the kitchen to grab a drink/food while Harley digs up her secret box. She pulls it out from underneath the rug, to find a wilted rose. This is the rose Joker gave her when they first met (shown in quick flashback). She looks up to be greeted by Batman.

Joker here’s whats happening in the next room and has to decide. Harley or himself. He choices himself.

Batman KICKS open the kitchen door to find the gas from the stove on HIGH and an aerosol can in the microwave. Batman grabs Harley, runs the length of the apartment, and dives out the window just as it explodes. The blast rocks the entire apartment.

A Beautiful Dream
Harley Quinn is now marched into Belle Reve prison.
We, the audience, are now introduced to the other (soon to be members) of Suicide Squad.
El Diablo –
Deadshot –
Captain Boomerang –
Slipknot –
Killer Croc –
No Enchantress. Why? I think the character was boring and she really doesn’t fit into the current iterations of Suicide Squad as shes overpowered and there’s really no clear opposition for her. In the real Suicide Squad movie, she could have teleported to Wallers office and gotten her heart back with little to no effort. In fact the first version of this story involved the Joker going to Blood Castle to resurrect the Enchantress in order to grant him powers. But I think this version works better. Anyways…
Col Rick Flag – (yes I know I messed up and called him Rick Blade at first during the podcast)
Katana –
Meanwhile….
Thunder Corp
Apple meets Google HQ in the DC Universe. A bustling campus with the absolute cutting edge technology.
A tour guide takes a small group into the lobby. Rather than a typical break in lets do something different. Something fun. Something Joker like.
Outside. A crazy man stares in the large glass window into the lobby.
The guards inside panic and realize they have to take out this loon before anyone sees him. The one guy calls for backup and together they proceed outside to take out his hopped up loon, who is still just staring into the window not moving an inch. The guards approach him just a huge truck SLAMS through the from of the building. People start to panic and flee to the exits.
Phase 2 starts. The guards are taken out.
The Joker and his Freak Show (name for his new group) descend further into the building as the leave the lobby a mess of broken glass and bodies.
The Joker is back and everybody knows it.
Suicide Squad – Take 2
Amanda Waller marches down a long hallway. A hint smile of victory as she knows shes right and has the perfect pitch to fix this situation.
Waller sits in front a board of various heads of State. Waller pitches the idea to form a new Squad of villains. If they succeed, great. If they fail, it’s just a bunch of villains no one will miss. No real harm happens if they die. Why risk good people when we can sacrifice bad people? Its a win win Waller assures the room, if they succeed the threat is stopped. If they fail, well it’s only a bunch of criminals anyway.
Waller knows at the end… the council has no choice. The other alternative would be to send in the police or other super heroes.
The Pitch
The plan, Waller explains, is to find the Joker and bring him back dead or alive.
Dead, got it, says Dead Shot.
Harley says, “You’re not kidding.”
So now we know why each certain character is being brought in. It’s not a random assortment of characters. There’s a reason for it as the Suicide Squad changes on each mission.
This mission requires stealth which every member has. While sending Harley into do battle against Joker maybe a mistake as she could get took angry, she does know him better than anyone on the planet.
We (the audience) know that the SS are going to go on this mission. We’ve seen the trailer, hell that’s the whole reason we came to see the movie, right? So we don’t need any sort of conflict from the characters deciding if they’re going or not.
MONTAGE – Team getting ready to lock and load putting together all of their weapons, picking out their outfits from a collection of. They also insert the bombs into each member.
Setup: Think they’ll be allowed to pick out weapons and outfits but instead they’re given what they’ll need.
Deadshot: “Why can’t we pick out what we need?”
Waller: ” If I leave it to, you’ll pick out the biggest explosives.”
Harley’s about to speak. Stops. Thinks. And sheepishly says, “Yea you’re right.”
They get to the make shift run way. The state of the art stealth plane awaits…
In a homage or nod to Escape from New York. Deadshot releases the safety off of his gun and fires at Waller and his guards. Nothing happens. Blanks. Deadshot laughs it off as he was, ‘just playing’. The guards stare daggers into him as he disappears in the armored plane.
Waller and the Guards watch as the plane takes off into the night.
Waller to the guard, “Do you think they’ll make it?”
The guard pauses: No.
Waller laughs.
Waller sits in front of the same bank of monitors as before. The next show is about to begin.
On the plane.
It’s a windy night but quiet in Metropolis. Too quiet really. No rain to mask their arrival. Nothing.
The SS yet again have the deck stacked against them.
Killer Croc leaps from the plane and hits the water. He swims deeper and deeper under the water until he gets to a security grate. He breaks it off and continues into Thunder Corp. He stops. There is a huge turbine in front of him. Croc has to think of another way in…
“Okay it’s time to jump.”
The SS parachute leap from the plane and glide down to the rooftop of the building.
Down at the ground the police have surrounded the building BUT Joker’s followers made up of ordinary citizens have started to surround the police. Everything is starting to become harder to control.
Joker associate comes to the main doors of the building. A gaze that pieces your soul.
The police veteran doesn’t want to show any sign of weakness stares back at him.
He looks like a Ghoul come to life. He tells the police to back off or they will start executing the hostages inside. The Ghouls produces an eyeball as proof.
No Laughing Matter
The Squad get into the building via the rooftop with the plan being to working their way to the penthouse suit of Thundercorp’s CEO, Lucius D. Tommytown.
The get into the penthouse no noticed taking out a few thugs along the way.
In the main office, they carefully enter with weapons drawn. Someone is sitting in the big chair.
“Hey we’re the good, er, guys here to save you” says Deadshot. No response.
They spin the chair around, and the person is dead painted like the Joker with a tape recorder around his neck that says, ‘Play Me’.
“Should we press it?”
As they guys argue, Harley presses the button. The Joker’s voice comes on welcoming the Squad. How’d he know they were coming?
Goodbye stealth mission.
He offers them a deal. He’ll help them if they’ll help him and to show he’s a good sport. BAM! A special EMP blast. All of the bombs in their neck are off.
Captain and Katana look nervous because they’re at a disadvantage.
SS are conflicted. What will each of them do?
Run and continue being a criminal OR will they stay and fight to receive their reward at the end? Deadshot tells Flag, they’ll stay and Harley wanted to stay regardless to get revenge against the Joker.
Col Flag tells to everyone (including Waller that the new plan is to flush the Joker down and right out the front door if they don’t find him sweeping through the rest of the building. Croc enters and says, there’s no sign of Joker anywhere below as he just came up that way and there’s no activity whats so ever.
Harley then goes over the backcase to reveal a secret elevator. She explains on the way down how she knew (Mercy told her) BUT what she doesn’t know is where this elevator leads.
The Abyss
The elevator goes down forever. The door chimes, and the doors open.
A virtual concrete (and lead) labyrinth. The reason Superman could never see it was because of the lead over the walls that mimiced nothing out of the ordinary.
The Squad goes further and discovers what this underground bunker really is. A collection of super powers from various villains and superheros. A collection of the DC Universe’s best weaponry and equipment.
As they progress they battle Jokers henchmen made up from villians thought to have died in the fire at Arkum like Bad Cop, a new version of Bain (made from the Toxin formula stolen from the real Bain), a healer using a makeshift Lazarus pit, Superman’s blood, and the tech of various villians and heroes.

Twlight of the Gods

A diminished Squad consisting of Harley, Deadshot, Flag, and Katana enter the end of the bunker. This also houses the weapon Joker is really after.
Joker gets into Mech Suit… the top secret invention of Thunder Corporation.
Hes now never been closer ot being a God. The suit has a downside thog… it turns it’s operator insane (which explains why Luthor acted the way he did in Batman vs Superman) and its going to turn the Joker whose already crazy & mentally unbalanced to a literal time bomb. The longer the fight goes the stronger but weaker Joker gets.
Joker breaks out of the bunker, and now his followers see he has become a God, and they start to attack everyone and everything like a hoarde of zombies.
Joker flies into the air, firing bombs from the suit in a similar fashion to Iron Man.
The Government gives the okay… launch a missle and destroy the city.
Just as the Joker looks invincible, and the Squad seems helpless.
It’s the return of… Superman.
Joker and Superman fight throughout the city and even into outer space.
Finally Superman slices through the suit, and Joker plummets back down to Earth.
Joker lay dying, and Harley stands over him. He begs for her forgiveness and tells her he’s always loved her. He tried to get them to join him but they’re too stupid to realize what hes fighting for.
Joker dies.
A dead man switch activates causing a bomb to explode, leveling the whole building.
The Suicide Squad, this version of the Suicide Squad, for all intents and purposes is dead. The troops were not killed in this bomb blast but rather will be labeled decease one by one later on in various made up incidents to cover up their involvement.
The only surviving members, Deadshot and Harley are taken back into custody.
Col Flag and Katana are listed as leading a team of spec forces into the building and successfully killed the Joker. The blast was explained as damage from a bomb triggered as a last ditch effort by the Joker. Everything is now contained… until that is the screen goes black. Steppenwolf has arrived. A new battle is beginning… the cycle starts all over again.
In a small non descript cell, Harley lays down in her bed. Facing the door. As Harley opens the package, she finds a new rose, and she swears her revenge on Batman. She’s locked up and her love is dead. A tear rolls down her cheeck… She looks into the sky as if for a sign to find there’s nothing there.
FADE OUT
So what have we done?
Well we’ve set up the Justice League movie better. SteppenWolf would come to Earth to battle a very weakened Justice League.
We would also set up a stand alone Harley movie, and a stand alone Deadset movie.
The Harley movie would focus on her revenge against Batman, think Oldboy meets Kill Bill or Sympanthy for Lady Vengeance, while the Deadshot movie would revolve around a new host of enemies/missions.
Did you like my version? Did you hate my version please let me know in the comments below. If you did like my version for the love of GOD please share this to anyone you’d think would get some entertainment out of this.
Next month I’ll be back doing another episode of How I Would Have Written!

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